Thank You For Being a Friend!
With International Coming Out Day falling on October 11th this year, we take a look at how you should act and respond when someone comes out to you as LGBTQ+.
LISTEN
Everyone’s story is different. You may have another friend or colleague who identifies as part of the LGBTQ+ community, however this doesn’t mean the coming out process is will be the same. Actively listening to the persons story and their reasons for telling you will make them feel understood and relieved.
THANK THEM
Coming out can be something the person has played over in their head a thousand times, if they share with you, you’re obviously someone that they trust. Thank them for sharing their story with you.
BE LED BY THEM
Let your friend/colleague who is coming out to set the pace. They might not be ready to tell everyone in the office/your friend group just yet. Make it clear to them that you won’t discuss their story with anyone else.
ADVOCATE
If you hear homophobic or transphobic language in the workplace or someone posts an inappropriate joke in your group chat, call it out. Your friend may already be feeling vulnerable, having someone call out bad behaviour can be reassuring to know they they have your support.
CHECK IN WITH THEM
Lots of change can occur once someone starts to come out, make sure to check-in with your friend. Arrange a coffee date, go for a walk together or send a quick text to let them know you’re thinking of them and you’re there to talk whenever they need to offload.
DON’T MAKE IT ABOUT YOU
Trust us - the person coming out to you will be more nervous that you are. Responding negatively or talking about yourself at that particular moment sends a signal that you disapprove of them coming out. Instead, ask them how they are feeling and continue the conversation in a positive manner.
DON’T SHOWCASE ASSUMPTIONS
Responding to someone coming out as LGBTQ+ with “well, obviously!” or “sure, everyone knows” will invalidate their feelings and the decision they have made to tell you. Instead, be supportive and encouraging - the chances are your assumptions or someone’s sexual orientation or gender identity won’t make much of a difference in this conversation.